February 28, 2007
So, I have to fix the numbers for yesterday. I gained 27 pounds, not 29. I was at 313 yesterday, not 315. So, just a two pound difference, but hey, two pounds is two pounds. That means I only gained back 21% of what I’d lost, not 23%. That’s closer to 1/5 than 1/4, so I’ll take it.
And today, I am back at 309. So, I lost four pounds already with just one day of trying again. I am not going to get too comfortable with that, because I don’t want to repeat January. (Get all hyped up about big losses, just to have my period come along and turn me into sluggy non-motivated girl.) Although, I am a little excited about the fact that if I lose anything today, then I will actually have a LOSS for February, which I thought was beyond the realm of possibility. It will only be a loss of whatever I lose today, whether it’s one or two, but hey, again, it’s a loss.
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I’m at work now, full from lunch (one cup of two-point chili, instead of two, with a cuke/avo/cc sandwich = yum) and not feeling motivated to work. I start my new position (same company, different department) on Monday, so I’ve got a huge case of short-timer’s. That’s all to say that this could get long.
Back at the beginning of February, I was really discouraged. January had started off great. I began the month with some wonderful weight-loss, great activities and running was going well. Home and friend life was busy and active and things were good.
Then PMS and my period hit and I’d had some great loss in January, but then PMS and my period hit and I got wiped out and began feeling crappy about any and everything. I turned into a vacuum, sucking up everything in my path, and I gained a great majority of that loss back. By February, I was feeling really beat up and planned to start a six week program of just doing what I needed to do and not weigh myself for six weeks.
I think that lasted for one day. I created a site for it on LJ, and only posted one entry. I’m going to repost it here, but change things as they are appropriate to my mindset at this time:
POSTED THEN: I am not ready to give up. I am still discouraged, frustrated and angry at the things that are going on with me. I hate that I had, at one point, lost 18 pounds for the month of January, but my ending loss was only 5 pounds. I am back up over 300 (at 309) and pissed off about the way things are going. I am sick and tired of the depression and feeling in such a familiar place as I was when I began Weight Watchers in 2005.
2/28 I’m still pretty much here right now. I’m glad that I’m back at 309 right now, which means that I maintained throughout February, but maintenance just isn’t cutting it for me anymore. Coupled with the fact that Jesse isn’t happy with his gain and I want to support him for a change, I think I have some motivations to get me going.
POSTED THEN: But just “starting over” isn’t working for me. So, my plan is to take six weeks to simply try to create some new habits.
Part of what was so good about those first couple of weeks of the year was the effort I was putting into just my self-care. At the end of the day, taking the time to do those eight things that are noted in the bathroom. Taking the time to get made-up every day.
By the end of January, half the time I wasn’t even doing my hair and only putting on the most basic of make-up. Time for all of that to change and for me to get back into some good SELF-LOVE habits.
(2/28 Again, and this is where I am. My new nightly routine that I loved about January hasn’t been done SINCE January. With the new job on Monday will come some familial schedule changes, so I’m really going to work to get those habits back. That helped with the self-love and depression side of things, which helped to keep me motivated to keep going.)
POSTED THEN: Here is what I want for the next six weeks. This will be a long list, but I can’t allow it to be overwhelming. It’s just what needs to be done:
1. 12 pound loss, at least. That will be two pounds per week and will take me to 297. Back under 300 and just barely. I’ll need to keep going past the six weeks (which, I will, I’ll want to just restart with a new list of goals and such at that six week mark). (2/28 Sure. Sounds good. I’ll keep this here.)
2. DO NOT WEIGH-IN for six weeks. This includes Weight Watchers. I am contemplating if that means that I should actually quit Weight Watchers. I probably will. If I need to eat crow and restart again, then so be it. But there is a running group on Thursday nights that I would like to be a part of and I really am sick of the numbers depressing me so much. I need to get off that scale and get back into healthy living. Doing that will result in a loss. (2/28 Well, I did go ahead and quit Weight Watchers and for right now, I don’t have any plans to start again. I know it’s only been two days, but Jesse and I are doing a great job of motivating one another. I can actually see myself needing to rejoin when Jesse has gotten back to his goal, because then, even though I know he will still be there to support me, I will be doing the weight loss aspect of it alone, and I know that’s hard for me. So, I’ll be looking to rejoin WW in May or June, perhaps. Maybe I’ll just rejoin on my two year anniversary.)
3. Try to eat more clean. This is going to take a while, I think, but by the end of six weeks, I would like to be back off of Caffeine. I would like to be back up to 200 oz. of water a day. Sugar intake to a minimum and a lot of salads and soups (chili, refried bean soup). Less eating out and less binging. If I eventually go back to Weight Watchers, I’d like to do core. I don’t want to be counting points. (2/28 Eh. This sounded good when I wasn’t doing the weighing in thing, but I really do need the points for the control thing. I’m anal. Counting points works for me. For right now, that’s what I’ll be doing. Once I get all of the vices (sugar/caffeine) under control again and I”m sure that my portion sizes are back to normal, then I’ll look into trying to be more Core-Based than counting points. We’ll see.)
4. Find a running diet/nutrition plan. (2/28 This has actually changed. I do want to do this, but there’s actually another avenue I’ve been contemplating a lot lately. I need to do some research before committing anything to paper or screen.)
5. Shoot for vegetarianism again. (2/28 Yep. I’d like to. That’s actually been going okay this week. Yeah, I didn’t have any meat yesterday and haven’t had any today. Well, then. Day two. Let’s see if we can keep it rocking.)
6. Get back into the eight/nine nightly habits: Wash my face and moisturize, tweeze my eyebrows, footcare, lotion, floss and crunches. I think there’s more, but I can’t remember it right now. (2/28 Yes, yes, yes. I’m still here. Still want to.)
7. Finish that 10K training before March 25. (2/28 As disappointing as it is. I think I’m giving up this goal. I asked Jesse if he would want to train for the 10K portion of Run With Nature with me. That’s in May, and he said he would like to. So, we’ll probably both start the program over beginning on Sunday.)
8. Consistent weight training. I did these for two weeks, I can certainly start up again. (2/28 Sure.)
9. Get good sleep. (2/28 Yes! Especially with the new job. I’m going to need to be getting up an hour earlier, so I really need to be getting my butt into bed, because I know that I just lose more weight when I’m sleeping well. My insomnia has been back, off and on, for the past few weeks, so hopefully that will tape off and I’ll be able to really do this one.)
10. And this isn’t health related, but there is always a correlation with it. Get the budget in order and stick to it. (2/28 Jesse and I have always seen the correlation between my success at weight loss and our successes at our financial goals. Both are incredibly important right now, so yes. This is what I’m aiming for. We’ve done this for the most part, there are just some minor parts that need to be worked out. It’s always changing.)
11. Set some realistic and affordable rewards and actually follow-through with them. (2/28 See below.)
12. Determine what I want to be doing with a couple of these projects that are running through my head. Set up some sort of organization system for it. (2/28 Not a priority right now, but yes. Something I want to do by the end of the year.)
13. Get over myself and do this. Stop wallowing in my depression and do SOMETHING. Whether it’s Weight Watchers, whether it’s running, do something to get myself consistently moving and consistently losing again. (2/28 !!)
Some goals and things to think about:
1. I lost 5 pounds in January. I know that I can do better than that, but if I only lose 5 pounds a month for the next 11 10 months, I’ll have lost 60 55 pounds for the year, and will be at 259.
2. There are two months until Sutter Creek. That’s the chance to lose at least 10 more pounds before then. Again, I know I can do better/more than that, but that’s a minimum and that will put me close to where I was last time they all saw me. So, at least I won’t be showing too much of a gain.
3. There are six months until Goddess Gather. That’s another 30 pounds, at least. That will take me further than I was the last time they all saw me. I don’t even know if we’re going to go this year. Probably, but we’ll see. At least I’ll look better than I did.
Those are some major ones for now. How about those rewards. One for each week:
Stick to “this” and earn:
Week 1: … an eyebrow waxing. Man, do they need to be done!
Week 2: … a new purse. ($40.00 max.)
Week 3: … new pants. ($50.00 max.)
Week 4: … dye job and haircut.
Week 5: … manicure & pedicure.
Week 6: … New Make-up!
Some nice things to shoot for, so, here’s where I am now:
Weight: 309
Pants: 22s right now. I have some 20s (and one pair of 18s!) in my closet, but only one of them fits in a way that I’m not embarrassed to wear them out.
Shirts: 18/20.
My face is clearing up.
Tired a lot of the time.
Getting more motiviated and I feel the depression dissipating.
Full make-up on and hair done.
I had a piece of toast with light butter and a piece of celery with 1/2 tbsp. of PB for breakfast. Healthful snacks (banana, grapes and a NuGo bar) and a healthy lunch. CS is coming to dinner and we’re having Refried Bean Soup (one point per cup) rather than going out, so that is an awesome plan. My only downfall may be that I am so tempted to go downstairs and get some soda. I probably will.
Here are some of the things I want to be doing over the next six weeks:
1. Post often.
2. Take the time in the morning to get ready for my day. Ignore the way the clothes fit for now. Wear something different every day of the week. Wear the clothes in the closet to remind me of what needs to be done. Do my full make-up and hair every day. Get up early enough to get this accomplished so I am not rushing Jessica out the door.
3. Complete running schedule each week.
4. Complete weight training each week.
5. Complete my nightly routine.
6. Do our feet and hands every Sunday.
7. Create a housecleaning schedule and stick to it.
8. Create a budget and stick to it.
9. De-clutter the house. Craigslist a full list of the Creative Memories stuff. Craigslist my books and other “magickal stuff”.
This basically turned into a Brain Dump, but that’s the plan. Dump it all out and refine it as I go.
I need to get to work, so I’m done for now.