July 25, 2006
Going back in time, for a little bit tonight. The entry part of this entry is from my journal from last year. Right around this time.
Welcome to the planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone’s here
Everybody’s watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
July 30, 2005
I am having a hard time. I am having a hard time. Face that fear and recognize I am having a hard time. I want to go home. Parts of it have been good, but the other parts have been lonely and hard. Fearful. Hateful. Hard. I am having a hard time. I am ready to go home.
There is no desire for me to be so big anymore. To call attention to myself is not what I desire doing anymore. Let the weight fall off. Become invisible.
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself off of the floor
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before
August 2, 2005
I recently wrote a long weight loss thoughts piece wherein I asserted that I would not be undergoing a personality transplant while I lost weight (in part); but I don’t know that this is entirely true.
I already feel a lot different than I did 2 months ago. Things are already changing for me. Granted, I don’t know if it has to do with the weight loss, or more of the connection to the therapy I’ve restarted; but the point is that I feel the journey to the center of me is continuing. I feel myself changing and growing into my shrinking skin. I definitely feel I am becoming myself. This is a wonderful process to be a part of and I am so happy to see it happening again.
Welcome to the fall-out
Welcome to existence
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be
What’s hard is that part of that appears to be involving the loss of friendships again, but at this point, I’m very glad to find that I’m more accepting of this. I realize my part in it, yet I refuse to accept all of the blame for it. Yes, I am a common denominator, but I am also worthy of love, honesty, respect, perfect love and perfect trust in friendships. I recoginize the ebb and flow of energy and the lessons through my life.
I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself off of the floor
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
This is getting much easier to recognize and accept. I am very grateful for that. It leads to lessons which lead to future behaviour and further lessons. I feel this is simply one more step in hte evolution of my soul.
Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here.
I dare you to move
I dare to lift yourself off of the floor
I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened
Today never happened before
I Dare You To Move
Switchfoot