September 29, 2010
Almost a year later and I’m back.
So, if you have not been around, the biggest news/change to our life is that our oldest daughter, Jessica (10), was kicked in the head by a horse in April. Exactly five months ago today, in fact. Obviously this has changed our lives in ways we never imaged it would be changed. She is alive and at home recovering. She is non-ambulatory and non-verbal currently, but she is improving every single day and we are hopeful for a full recovery.
So, you would think that in the midst of all of that, the last thing I would want to be concentrating on would be my health; and at first, you would have been right. I had the initial stress/life changing event weight loss of about 30 pounds, but once things began stabilizing and especially once we got home, I went back to my old tricks of emotionally eating and I am dangerously close to having regained all of the weight that I lost back in 2005/2006 while doing Weight Watchers.
So, about a month ago, on the recommendation of a good friend of mine, I called to speak with a Health Coach. I know how to lose weight. I lost 126 pounds in under a year at one point. I obviously can and know how to do it, and even though I thought I had addressed the mental and emotional part of it, I was definitely fooling myself. So, I have hooked up with the health coach, in hopes of keeping my head on a little bit straight as we all recover from this life-changing tragedy, and I am once again “Back On Track” and trying to improve my health, step by step.
Now, more than ever, with how much of Jessica’s care lands on my shoulders, it is imperative that I get my health under control. I need to get my body healthy, so that it is easier to care for her, and I need to get my diet under control so that I am not modeling destructive behaviours for Jocelyn.
Yet, even with all of this motivation, it is still not easy. Most days, all I want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep or cry or both. Obviously, that is not an option for moving our family forward. So, if I can get my eating, exercise, weight and health under control now, while going through the worst situation of my life, then the rest of my life should be a cake walk.
Technically, I’ve been back at it for about a month, but it’s all been chit chat up until now. As my health coach said: “We’ve spent a lot of time negotiating whether or not you are committed to this. Let’s make a decision now.”
I am. I am trying to be. Every minute I have the choice to be committed to this endeavor or not. As long as I choose correctly more often than not, we all might come out of this in pretty good shape.